I remember driving to an appointment a few years ago, in an unknown, windy and hilly area. I was already running late from taking numerous wrong turns and was starting to panic at the thought of making a friend wait for me. The panic set in as I took another wrong turn down a narrow, tight dead end street. I remember being on the verge of tears (drama queen) when I heard a still, small voice whisper "this isn't about the wrong turns. This is about hating yourself for making mistakes and not attaining perfection. But all you have to do is hang a U-ey".
I crack up now thinking about that story. I was so tightly wound, striving to get things right. Although my navigation skills have drastically improved, this 'perfectionist' mindset has been hard to shake. There's been times where I find myself lying on the floor recounting all my past mistakes and wondering whether people still hate me for them.
I think we can all agree that 2020 has tried and tested us. For many of us, our holiday and event plans, jobs, families, futures have all been pulled out from under us. But it's only in trials that we learn what we're really made of... it's only when the tough times hit that we discover the foundations we have built our lives on. For me, I realised how much I relied on my own strength and self sufficiency; subconsciously numbing myself to past betrayals and pain to because it was something I couldn't control or perfect.
I'm so glad I stopped running from my past. It was only trying to tell me something.
That I didn't have to be afraid anymore. To look my inner child in the eye and say "you don't have to do this by yourself anymore. Your heavenly Father is carrying you in His arms, each and every moment."
It seemed impossible, but now I look back on every trauma, heartbreak and distress and am thankful for it. It broke me, only for me to discover a joy that is my eternal strength. A joy that allows me to make mistakes, dust me off and try again.
Develop a habit of risk-taking, trying and failing, being broken to be mended... it's never too late to begin again.
View the collection: https://www.bychloejoy.com/begin-again-1
